enlightened (non)activity

From Tuesday afternoon until Friday night, I mostly slept. From Friday night until Sunday night, I attended an online Dzogchen retreat. Today, Monday, I’ve spent restless, neither sleeping nor awake, neither up nor down, watching things on my computer from bed, half interested. I should be studying Spanish, but feel blurry-minded. [ Entry: The weekContinue reading “enlightened (non)activity”

wish-fulfilling dreams

A strange thing has happened now that tossing and turning has fallen away from nighttime explorations; I find myself reliving alternate scenarios such as “What if married life with G had taken this turn?” Last night, I was the one working more, coming home to be shown our baby’s head lifting up with strength forContinue reading “wish-fulfilling dreams”

Turiya, Turiyatita

Andrew Holocek on Buddha at the Gas Pump. So many wonderful quotes, but his passionate interest in dream yoga is why I’ve read some of his books several times. I may not lucid dream much these days, but the interview was a spark ignited to remember this way of being. “Awareness of Being, is bliss.”Continue reading “Turiya, Turiyatita”

The Rest

I’m surprised! It’s been over a week since I wrote the previous entry, during which time I’ve listened to several Vajrayana related audio books–a few multiple times. Not all the lessons (mostly talks given during retreats) hit me the way Bliss of Inner Fire did, but understanding feels to have taken a leap, integrating theContinue reading “The Rest”

nondual wisdom-light phenomena

Began The Sole Panacea, a book about the Vajra Seven Line Prayer–a main text encountered throughout (Tibetan) Buddhist study. The first encounter with the prayer I remember, was at the Tsoru Dechen Rinpoche group here in Miami, where I later took in-person refuge vows (following remote ones) and began more formal practice. The prayer wasContinue reading “nondual wisdom-light phenomena”

On Imperfectionism and Unfinishing (TSK Journal – 7)

The word imperfectionism appeared in the air around me this week, for good reason. Since the beginning of the year I’ve taken on several things I can in no way fully accomplish quickly–things that require prayer. By which I mean, I can’t see the end of them and must leave space for pregnant possibility. TheseContinue reading “On Imperfectionism and Unfinishing (TSK Journal – 7)”

Sacred Ordinary (TSK Journal – 6)

There is no 100% analogy, but one of the ideas I like to consider contemplatively is ‘outward’ life as a mirror of mind, and mind as a kind of petri-dish in which influences have a chance to interact. It does seem to me that although I can’t always choose the influences (I can choose some),Continue reading “Sacred Ordinary (TSK Journal – 6)”

Stephanie is Disruptive (TSK Journal – 4)

[[I haven’t picked up the book for a few days, but continue musing on the feeling and notion of the the book itself, even closed(!), as a practice. Why, oh why, is the way I work with things so odd, when compared against what others describe!]] One of the few notes I have from childhoodContinue reading “Stephanie is Disruptive (TSK Journal – 4)”

One Last Time

I’m terrible at goodbyes. Perhaps I’ve never seen one modeled well. I’ve always found it hard to be clear and just let go. I inevitably leave things sort of half undone for a while, hoping against hope that things will make sense of themselves.

Savoring

Studying happiness is counter-intuitive. My tendency is to think that the more time I spend on studying how to be happy, the less time I’m spending ‘just being’, which is a happy state. Yet…