One Day

I’ve been rather (overly?) ‘thought’ful in my writing here of late. So much has been on my mind that I’m not sure whether or how to talk about, and until I am sure, I’ve decided to try to work it out in other ways. Retail work has been the most surprising of those ways… getting…

The way you sip your tea…

I’ve been working a lot since my grandfather died, keeping occupied, a la “Don’t look down.” It isn’t exactly his death which has been scary to me at some deep level, but what his stepping out of the way reveals about what remains… what a life might amount to and mean to others. Or not….

Onward.

The 16 year old car I’ve been sharing with my son has had it… its very latest expression of resistance being the driver’s side door, which will only close after a 5 part dance of pray, jiggle, shake, pull, and finally, slam. This, on top of the finicky gas reader, the loud whistle just slightly…

Winds

Deep loss is so revealing. Although through meditation practices and commitment to examined living/examined mind, it is possible to live with a great degree of open-awareness, nothing quite shows up ‘who you are’ like loss does. Thus I’ve found losing my grandfather to be a place of deep vulnerability, more like an inverted mountaintop than…

stop means go

A family of cardinals has been visiting the little second-story balcony of our rented apartment since February. Only one wears the bright red that clearly signifies *cardinal*, with the other three more brown-toned, often fluffed and lively in their chattering. One of the brown-toned cardinals sports bits of orange too, as though going through a…

Zeroing In

So, I’ve been doing shadow work–contemplative work which includes intentionally going into the emotional places I’d rather (and usually do) avoid, and searching around in there to see, “What still hurts?” Basically, it’s a check up. In the same way, I have a shoulder issue which bothers me occasionally, but only when and if I’m…

magic in the doing

“I wasn’t doing magic anymore… was just talking about doing magic.” The above is a note I jotted to myself several months ago, and ran across today. It was something I saw up ahead as I wrote it, as though spoken by a me reflecting on that time, once through it. There was a sense…

Bubbles & Wings

Today, after a full night of tossing and turning, I felt it… a spark of innocence floating in the air. It seemed very real, yet somehow not of the same universe or substance as the rest. I watched, my inner vision locked in on the hint of the glimmer, as just like the Good Witch’s…

Character Examinations

We see some of the we characters we thought of as noble and ‘good’ as sadly ineffectual and even dangerous due to the very values we love so much, for one thing. And we reluctantly love, even forgive, indisputable monsters. George R.R. Martin has said in interviews that he finds the question of redemption especially fascinating. Me, too…

Beyond belief (systems)

So I’m driving along when it hits me: “Belief systems are effects, not causes; everyone has the wrong end of the stick.” The paradigm of the last decade or more has been to think in terms of belief systems (programming packages from childhood and current environment), then to examinine, expose, and consciously replace outdated thinking…