High Volume

Waking while dreaming another family related dream. Why now? This time I was visiting my sister and her husband. I arrived wearing clothing very far from my wheelhouse: white faux fur coat, boots, and perfectly curled high-volume hair. I was greeted very warmly by them… except that everything I touched had to be erased rightContinue reading “High Volume”

How to be Estranged

I came to the end today. Two years and eight hundred pages since starting the journal I titled How to be Estranged when reeling from my grandfather’s death and my mother’s overdue abandonment. I love the way I’ve written this, including for the first time photos and more creative writings with the worries of theContinue reading “How to be Estranged”

degrees of freedom

The world is perceived as an apparent objective reality when the mind is externalized, thereby abandoning its identity with the Self. When the world is thus perceived the true nature of the Self is not revealed: conversely, when the Self is realized the world ceases to appear as an objective reality.-Ramana Maharashi | Indian sageContinue reading “degrees of freedom”

flying under

A wee-small-hours of the morning dream stayed with me throughout the day, which is unusual on a work day, when I generally shift into such an entirely different gear so as to forget almost everything else. Often before work I sit in my car for a small meditation, hold an intention to bring that energyContinue reading “flying under”

wish-fulfilling dreams

A strange thing has happened now that tossing and turning has fallen away from nighttime explorations; I find myself reliving alternate scenarios such as “What if married life with G had taken this turn?” Last night, I was the one working more, coming home to be shown our baby’s head lifting up with strength forContinue reading “wish-fulfilling dreams”

New Tricks

The loop messages have been playing at high quality, as though a layer has been sloughed off, leaving programming clearly exposed. This time, it isn’t a critical voice, but an even more constant beat, surely affecting the rhythm patterns of movements and breath overall. I hadn’t realized this further layer before, perhaps because when IContinue reading “New Tricks”

I guess that’s why they call it the blues

Asian TV. I’m addicted. The dramas evoke emotion and meaning, so I haven’t been able to convince myself they lack value to my life and mind. Many are romantic, but not just; the dominant themes are ethics and chosen family, amidst backstories spanning multiple lifetimes. Distinct cultural paradigms. I love exploring different ways of thinkingContinue reading “I guess that’s why they call it the blues”

Ghost Writer (TSK Journal – 5)

For the first time in several years, I am reading many books at once. Or at least, I’m dabbling in many while deeply reading few. Most are fiction, a few are activism-based, and then there is TSK. Some days I read furiously, as much as possible, as though digging tunnels to make an escape. Others,Continue reading “Ghost Writer (TSK Journal – 5)”

appreciation practice

Warm sunlight streams through soft applause ~ Leaves and branches. An unidentifiable fragrance Sallies forth ~ On cool January winds. Inside, Sheer white curtains flutter ~ My thoughts too. Figs, pears, blueberries Fresh cream and ginger ~ Brightly green, popping peas. Alertly sitting on cushions of glistening rice ~ Evoking fields of water, and occasionalContinue reading “appreciation practice”

Variations on a Dream

I am walking from ‘the house’ toward the front gate on familiar chipped square tiles. I encounter three ferociously barking rottweilers. They are to the right of the path, in the part of the yard where one of the avocado trees rains down the largest leaves. I feel afraid. I wake. —– I am walkingContinue reading “Variations on a Dream”