Mourning, Love

Upon updating my Gesture of Great Love post from weeks ago, and writing about Avilokitesvara, I’ve become thoughtful about the notion of mourning, and the way that, if allowed, mourning can make way for what I’ll call for now, transcendent tenderness. This may be related too, to what Trungpa Rinpoche called the genuine mind ofContinue reading “Mourning, Love”

great love

Reading a book titled Gesture of Great Love, the newest in the Time Space Knowledge series by Tarthang Tulku. It’s quite a different tone from TSK (my ‘favorite’), and Immediately and refreshingly arrives at the necessary urgent tone for our times. It somehow also has a friendly feeling, similar to a book given to meContinue reading “great love”

refuge

I’ve long been drawn to the biblical story of Mary and Martha, to contrasting characters’ modes of action. I think of myself as having strong Mary tendencies while admiring Martha-type industriousness from a far, but many who know me in daily life might disagree. Anyway, these two came to mind because with sudden urgency IContinue reading “refuge”

High Volume

Waking while dreaming another family related dream. Why now? This time I was visiting my sister and her husband. I arrived wearing clothing very far from my wheelhouse: white faux fur coat, boots, and perfectly curled high-volume hair. I was greeted very warmly by them… except that everything I touched had to be erased rightContinue reading “High Volume”

How to be Estranged

I came to the end today. Two years and eight hundred pages since starting the journal I titled How to be Estranged when reeling from my grandfather’s death and my mother’s overdue abandonment. I love the way I’ve written this, including for the first time photos and more creative writings with the worries of theContinue reading “How to be Estranged”

flying under

A wee-small-hours of the morning dream stayed with me throughout the day, which is unusual on a work day, when I generally shift into such an entirely different gear so as to forget almost everything else. Often before work I sit in my car for a small meditation, hold an intention to bring that energyContinue reading “flying under”

A hundred grass tips

“All feelings are positive”, says Jenny Lim, yet so often, by the time I even consider inquiry, fears and discomforts have whirled by feverishly, leaving a mess to attend to in their wake. The window in which to sort through what was felt in any systematic way has already closed, rendering such guidance quaint. IContinue reading “A hundred grass tips”

enlightened (non)activity

From Tuesday afternoon until Friday night, I slept, then Friday night through Sunday, attended an online (Dzogchen) retreat. Today, Monday, I’ve spent restless, neither sleeping nor awake, neither up nor down, watching snippets of things on my computer, half interested. I should be studying Spanish, but feel blurry-minded. [ Entry: The week of our Covid-19,Continue reading “enlightened (non)activity”

wish-fulfilling dreams

A strange thing has happened now that tossing and turning has fallen away from nighttime explorations; I find myself reliving alternate scenarios such as “What if married life with G had taken this turn?” Last night, I was the one working more, coming home to be shown our baby’s head lifting up with strength forContinue reading “wish-fulfilling dreams”

I guess that’s why they call it the blues

Asian TV. I’m addicted. The dramas evoke emotion and meaning, so I haven’t been able to convince myself they lack value to my life and mind. Many are romantic, but not just; dominant themes are ethical quandaries and chosen family, amidst backstories that span multiple lifetimes. Distinct cultural paradigms. I love especially, exploring different waysContinue reading “I guess that’s why they call it the blues”