Deep loss is so revealing. Although through meditation practices and commitment to examined living/examined mind, it is possible to live with a great degree of open-awareness, nothing quite shows up ‘who you are’ like loss does. Thus I’ve found losing my grandfather to be a place of deep vulnerability, more like an inverted mountaintop than…
Category: health and healing
Zeroing In
So, I’ve been doing shadow work–contemplative work which includes intentionally going into the emotional places I’d rather (and usually do) avoid, and searching around in there to see, “What still hurts?” Basically, it’s a check up. In the same way, I have a shoulder issue which bothers me occasionally, but only when and if I’m…
Fathers, Legends and Queens
I spent a lot of Fathers’ Day watching films, beginning with Rocketman as a promise to my daughter, who loved it so much that she paid to see it three times. Then, wishing to make comparisons, I rented Bohemian Rhapsody., which I’d walked wide circles around before, failing to imagine how anyone could do Freddie’s…
Bubbles & Wings
Today, after a full night of tossing and turning, I felt it… a spark of innocence floating in the air. It seemed very real, yet somehow not of the same universe or substance as the rest. I watched, my inner vision locked in on the hint of the glimmer, as just like the Good Witch’s…
Beyond belief (systems)
So I’m driving along when it hits me: “Belief systems are effects, not causes; everyone has the wrong end of the stick.” The paradigm of the last decade or more has been to think in terms of belief systems (programming packages from childhood and current environment), then to examinine, expose, and consciously replace outdated thinking…
Streams and Channels
… Ironically, I do hope many others will come to this kind of place too, no matter how proselytizing that sounds: uniquely personal practices, uniquely tailored expressions, and the patience to let the energy of those expressions and practices come forward before labeling, owning them, or making them permanent in any way.
Golden Moments
I felt restless. The beautiful day was calling me out into the flow of it all, and I needed to clear my head. We passed each other in the hallway, hesitating to go by. Then turned, at the exact same time, to more politely say, “Hello.” For five years in this apartment complex she has…
exposure, grief & integration
In some ways I have to recognize fragments of myself out there, reflections of my own valuing and idolizing without question and not wanting to know more. And I have to wish for their personas to be shattered to themselves as well, so the patterns don’t perpetuate indefinitely. [“me too”]
Comparing ‘Waking Up’ and ‘Insight Timer’
I stepped up meditation practice recently, beginning with using the new app from Sam Harris, Waking Up, but also continuing with Insight Timer. Along with just giving more time. Things I appreciate about the Waking Up app: It is NOT a social media app. There are no ‘rewards’ like stars or trophies for meditating more…
Recovery
Flu. I feel so vulnerable during and just after illness, as though my will has failed in a small way, just to show me nothing is in my control…
