Fear and Fantasy

When it comes to fear and discomfort, contemplative teachers–even motivational speakers for that matter–describe various step-by-step processes of questioning, of breaking down the elements as one might do with a therapist, to reach some truer source of pain. It isn’t bad advice, and I confess to being fond of listening to such advice like aContinue reading “Fear and Fantasy”

enlightened (non)activity

From Tuesday afternoon until Friday night, I mostly slept. From Friday night until Sunday night, I attended an online Dzogchen retreat. Today, Monday, I’ve spent restless, neither sleeping nor awake, neither up nor down, watching things on my computer from bed, half interested. I should be studying Spanish, but feel blurry-minded. [ Entry: The weekContinue reading “enlightened (non)activity”

wish-fulfilling dreams

A strange thing has happened now that tossing and turning has fallen away from nighttime explorations; I find myself reliving alternate scenarios such as “What if married life with G had taken this turn?” Last night, I was the one working more, coming home to be shown our baby’s head lifting up with strength forContinue reading “wish-fulfilling dreams”

gestures and thin moments

In line at the market, buying writing icing for the Congratulations cake we bought to mark successful getting of the big job by a family friend (intensive process they went through beforehand, getting a hotel to prep, for weeks, basically falling off-grid). An older gentleman looks back to ask if I’m in a hurry, gesturingContinue reading “gestures and thin moments”

nondual wisdom-light phenomena

Began The Sole Panacea, a book about the Vajra Seven Line Prayer–a main text encountered throughout (Tibetan) Buddhist study. The first encounter with the prayer I remember, was at the Tsoru Dechen Rinpoche group here in Miami, where I later took in-person refuge vows (following remote ones) and began more formal practice. The prayer wasContinue reading “nondual wisdom-light phenomena”

Ghost Writer (TSK Journal – 5)

For the first time in several years, I am reading many books at once. Or at least, I’m dabbling in many while deeply reading few. Most are fiction, a few are activism-based, and then there is TSK. Some days I read furiously, as much as possible, as though digging tunnels to make an escape. Others,Continue reading “Ghost Writer (TSK Journal – 5)”

Stephanie is Disruptive (TSK Journal – 4)

[[I haven’t picked up the book for a few days, but continue musing on the feeling and notion of the the book itself, even closed(!), as a practice. Why, oh why, is the way I work with things so odd, when compared against what others describe!]] One of the few notes I have from childhoodContinue reading “Stephanie is Disruptive (TSK Journal – 4)”

The Blank Slate

As you see, bolder formatting is temporarily gone from this site. I’ve stripped it down while making changes, but also to symbolize my current state. In meditation this morning, the theme of faith arose. Unkind thoughts were present – an argument I’ve been having with someone for as long as I can remember… feelings ofContinue reading “The Blank Slate”

One Day

I’ve been rather (overly?) ‘thought’ful in my writing here of late. So much has been on my mind that I’m not sure whether or how to talk about, and until I am sure, I’ve decided to try to work it out in other ways. Retail work has been the most surprising of those ways… gettingContinue reading “One Day”

Zeroing In

So, I’ve been doing shadow work–contemplative work which includes intentionally going into the emotional places I’d rather (and usually do) avoid, and searching around in there to see, “What still hurts?” Basically, it’s a check up. In the same way, I have a shoulder issue which bothers me occasionally, but only when and if I’mContinue reading “Zeroing In”