a year of new songs

August 16 – Birthday Back to dreaming and remembering dreaming. Have missed that. The dreams are not hyper-insightful, but they are interesting, such as last night’s where I attended a once brother-in-law’s wedding. Neither ex nor BIL were there, but I got along fabulously with his new husband, and the party atmosphere was just myContinue reading “a year of new songs”

Refugee

I’ve long been drawn to the biblical story of Mary and Martha, especially contrasting the characters’ modes of being. I think of myself as having strong Mary tendencies–admiring Martha-type industriousness but not striving toward it, so I can set everything aside when the right moment arrives. But, many who know me in daily life wouldContinue reading “Refugee”

High Volume

Waking while dreaming another family related dream. Why now? This time I was visiting my sister and her husband. I arrived wearing clothing very far from my wheelhouse: white faux fur coat, boots, and perfectly curled high-volume hair. I was greeted very warmly by them… except that everything I touched had to be erased rightContinue reading “High Volume”

The Absurdist

Various components of the absurd are discussed in the academic literature and different theorists frequently concentrate their definition and research on different components. On the practical level, the conflict underlying the absurd is characterized by the individual’s struggle to find meaning in a meaningless world. The theoretical component, on the other hand, emphasizes more theContinue reading “The Absurdist”

Psychological Doomscrolling

I may be toward the end of this stint in therapy. It’s a little hard to tell because, when doesn’t one need to feel heard? When doesn’t one need to hear themselves more clearly? But, I also don’t want to always be examining tendencies and unraveling patterns. There are times to just cut through. IContinue reading “Psychological Doomscrolling”

Just the greeting, just the wonder

I feel as though I’ve been in some awkward spiritual state for a while now, missing highs and lows present in most of the rest of my micro-lifetimes. Mainly, it is a certain synchronistic flow that has so often seemed ‘me’ I’ve had to get used to not being as strong nor obvious. Perhaps trustContinue reading “Just the greeting, just the wonder”

How to be Estranged

I came to the end today. Two years and eight hundred pages since starting the journal I titled How to be Estranged when reeling from my grandfather’s death and my mother’s overdue abandonment. I love the way I’ve written this, including for the first time photos and more creative writings with the worries of theContinue reading “How to be Estranged”

degrees of freedom

The world is perceived as an apparent objective reality when the mind is externalized, thereby abandoning its identity with the Self. When the world is thus perceived the true nature of the Self is not revealed: conversely, when the Self is realized the world ceases to appear as an objective reality.-Ramana Maharashi | Indian sageContinue reading “degrees of freedom”

flying under

A wee-small-hours of the morning dream stayed with me throughout the day, which is unusual on a work day, when I generally shift into such an entirely different gear so as to forget almost everything else. Often before work I sit in my car for a small meditation, hold an intention to bring that energyContinue reading “flying under”