Fear and Fantasy

When it comes to fear and discomfort, contemplative teachers–even motivational speakers for that matter–describe various step-by-step processes of questioning, of breaking down the elements as one might do with a therapist, to reach some truer source of pain. It isn’t bad advice, and I confess to being fond of listening to such advice like aContinue reading “Fear and Fantasy”

enlightened (non)activity

From Tuesday afternoon until Friday night, I mostly slept. From Friday night until Sunday night, I attended an online Dzogchen retreat. Today, Monday, I’ve spent restless, neither sleeping nor awake, neither up nor down, watching things on my computer from bed, half interested. I should be studying Spanish, but feel blurry-minded. [ Entry: The weekContinue reading “enlightened (non)activity”

wish-fulfilling dreams

A strange thing has happened now that tossing and turning has fallen away from nighttime explorations; I find myself reliving alternate scenarios such as “What if married life with G had taken this turn?” Last night, I was the one working more, coming home to be shown our baby’s head lifting up with strength forContinue reading “wish-fulfilling dreams”

New Tricks

The loop messages have been playing at high quality, as though a layer has been sloughed off, leaving programming clearly exposed. This time, it isn’t a critical voice, but an even more constant beat, surely affecting the rhythm patterns of movements and breath overall. I hadn’t realized this further layer before, perhaps because when IContinue reading “New Tricks”

I guess that’s why they call it the blues

Asian TV. I’m addicted. The dramas evoke emotion and meaning, so I haven’t been able to convince myself they lack value to my life and mind. Many are romantic, but not just; the dominant themes are ethics and chosen family, amidst backstories spanning multiple lifetimes. Distinct cultural paradigms. I love exploring different ways of thinkingContinue reading “I guess that’s why they call it the blues”

gestures and thin moments

In line at the market, buying writing icing for the Congratulations cake we bought to mark successful getting of the big job by a family friend (intensive process they went through beforehand, getting a hotel to prep, for weeks, basically falling off-grid). An older gentleman looks back to ask if I’m in a hurry, gesturingContinue reading “gestures and thin moments”

preoccupations

Body is getting ready to work at the store, second day back after a month’s leave. Mind hasn’t quite caught up; it floats like a balloon a little behind, working through the thousand half-teachings ingested while on break. To soothe mind, I suggest we lean into appreciation instead, let understanding tend to itself. Which jostlesContinue reading “preoccupations”

One Such Day

I grew up within biking distance of Fairchild Tropical Gardens, a place ordinary to my childhood which I now consider sacred and a miracle—a refuge in a green-starved city. There are days I, without intention I recall, find myself sitting on a bench under these trees, snapping photos of shadows plays made by their branches,Continue reading “One Such Day”

Turiya, Turiyatita

Andrew Holocek on Buddha at the Gas Pump. So many wonderful quotes, but his passionate interest in dream yoga is why I’ve read some of his books several times. I may not lucid dream much these days, but the interview was a spark ignited to remember this way of being. “Awareness of Being, is bliss.”Continue reading “Turiya, Turiyatita”

Pokemon Bardo

If the meditator is able to use whatever occurs in his life as the path,his body becomes a retreat hut. ~ Jigme Lingpa So, for all my listening to Buddhist audios and contemplating bardos, when I came out from under anesthesia I was playing Pokemon rather than chanting mantras or meditating on bliss! My fingersContinue reading “Pokemon Bardo”