just this day

Making resolutions seems a mere coping mechanism.

Maybe it is coping mechanisms all the way down.

9:30 AM and I determine to write every morning–determine to write to get into the right mindset. What about writing “one beautiful thing a day”? I consider. What about just going with the flow, moment to moment? Which will it be?

Isn’t it enough to set out to write one beautiful thing, just this day?

I pick up the laptop, open the How to be Estranged journal, notice it is at almost 108,000 words. 108 is a significant number, isn’t it? Should I end it, or keep going?

Why am I determined to make everything into Some Big Decision? The guru in my mind says “At least you see that.” The student in my mind rolls her eyes.

The birds seem especially loud lately, and I love that, but don’t turn off the TV. I’m almost finished watching My Name is Kim Sam Soon for what I promise is the last time, even though this time, I didn’t like it.

I’ll probably forget not liking it.

There’s no way to stop making resolutions, no way to stop resolving to not make resolutions.

So, um, about those mindsets…


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