Guess who took a “cosmic channeling” course over the last few weeks, and loved it!
I, who overloads and blanks out when confronted with public speaking, even went “live” online (with my real face!) to talk about sensing energies, and pulled oracle cards in support of others’ receiving intuition. It was playful, lighthearted, and may have liberated me (even if just for those moments) from the self-seriousnessness dragging down my efforts of late.
Truthfully, any fear was almost neutralized in this context, which is something I’ll be musing on for a long time. Why was that? And can I bottle it somehow? Keep in reserve for upcoming interviews and other occasions?
‘Along the way, I was taken under wing by seasoned women in the course who, without hesitation, offered their love and their time freely – out of kindness, yes, but mostly because in this context it just felt so good to keep the flow going by sharing and sharing and sharing.
There was an incredibly contagious blissful feeling to it all!
I didn’t change path in this process; it was more like plugging in a missing piece of a puzzle at just the right spot, which then allowed more complete pictures to appear.
Yet, I still feel an almost irresistible pull to parse each component into previously acquired knowledge. I want to justify the exploration without alienating raised-eyebrow friends, or aspects of my own ‘really quite rational’ self who loves science, and wants to shout from the rooftops things like “Please vaccinate your kids! Please care for the environment as a limited shared resource! Donald Trump is not a chosen savior for our time!”
But the truth is, that’s impossible. There is always going to be some contradiction or red flag waving, something to keep an eye on, whatever one explores. Besides, the people I met during this process don’t necessarily think in these ways (I really respect their intuitions and intentions so far), but there were a few lines of thought I followed up on that sort of ‘checked’ my assumption that there could be nothing harmful in such communities, just “love and light.”
For instance: It is really easy to get sucked into conspiracy theories I felt could be used to manipulate well-meaning and sensitive, perhaps vulnerable people, sneakily creating more divisions between “us and them” down some of the rabbit holes I traveled when searching for terms. Political agendas can infiltrate so much!
I do hope many others will come to the kind of place I find myself, no matter how proselytizing that sounds: uniquely personal practices, uniquely tailored expressions, and cultivating the patience to let the energy of those expressions and practices come forward before labeling, owning them, or making them permanent in any way.
In that regard, the course was a gift and a gem, loosening aims or expectations of changing minds in favor of communing with hearts, which is something I’d almost forgotten how to do, 2+ years into keeping up with our times of political dissent.
I’m weary, I guess, resisting, and need to find ways to playfully recharge and restore my joy about this life, myself, and the people around me. I need to see everyone anew. There’s so much going on underneath that can be affected, even when the surface feels intractable. I believe that.
Maybe the metaphors and language of everything as energy, and expressions of energies arising and passing away all the time, that we can channel/give voice to, holds a sensible, lively harmony. We become instruments for and with each other, and what might once have been taken as objects, become more like musical notes with fluid boundaries flowing through what Buddhists would call mindstreams.
Anyway, like I said, it was FUN, and really needed that! 🙂
