Although I’ve loved meditation for a while, I had begun to coast with it, keeping it as mostly a tool behind glass in case of anxiety emergencies. It wasn’t that I wasn’t sitting, but rather I’d stopped exploring with wide-eyed curiosity. No more. I’m having a great time again, like greeting a long lost best friend anew. : )
For instance, I was in the middle of a guided practice yesterday when I just started giggling! Ever the attentive student, I was trying to do things ‘right’, not following thoughts or making them into stories, but fancy thoughts, life-changing insights, kept flooding into the scene.
I LIVE for insight, so this was like a marshmallow experiment for grown-ups. I recognized this subtle ‘trap’ however, which left the two intentions in a kind of face off.
Just then, the image of a spider came to mind. She was contented, resting happily in the middle of the web she’d worked on.
But suddenly lots of insects are flying by and getting stuck to her web! She can’t help herself, so begins to chase down each one, wrapping it up for later. She isn’t ending the rest, she tells herself, just putting it off to take advantage of the opportunities.
“Aha!”, I thought.
This was a really clear snapshot of my mind at work. Meditation teachers often talk about monkey mind, but some of us have spider minds! It isn’t easy to set aside gathering and storing, but it’s crucial to develop trust that everything won’t fall apart the second we take our eyes off the ball.
We let go of the one thing (in my case, that pattern in that moment), to refresh, which ultimately renews everything else. We ourselves are part of the equation, after all.