sneaky mind

Having decided to spend more time blogging and away from Facebook in the coming year, this morning I searched and scrolled through random blogs. I’m curious about how to build a real sense of community through this notes-in-a-bottle-from-disparate-islands medium, and to see what balances people find for themselves with regard to their blogging identities.

For me, this can’t work than other types of social media unless it works as a decompartmentalizer, continuing with my aspiration to unlearn isolation. That is, my hope and suspicion — that the people I already know who find me here, are those genuinely curious about ‘who I am’, which would include various contradictory dimensions they would likely have the capacity to endure. 😉 As I would for them.

The rest of those in my imagined community will be new friends, and those bloggers with whom I’ve made light connections already over the last few years. (HELLO!)

This morning as I scrolled along, then took to actively searching, I found myself focusing on divorce and separation themed posts. I wasn’t sure what I was looking for exactly, but wanted to hear the musings of others working through thoughts that one can only have or grapple through, if they themselves have gone though such a life-altering experience. For me, it was like entering a dream world that at the end became something like panic/escape room.

Also, I wanted to peek into the lives of those who feel they’ve successfully moved out of the active struggle level, into dating and other relationships. That was fun, and a few posts made me smile a lot. At some point I asked myself why divorce was such an early search for me at all. Like a child’s Quija board question, my hands had seemed to type out the query on their own.

THEN I realized, “Ah, New Years Eve was my wedding anniversary.”

There is so much ‘down there’ embedded in layers of mind, which is both comforting and disconcerting. I guess I’ve yet to actively replace patterns of hope and resulting disappointment that happened around the anniversary for many years, so there is a stuck and stunted spot I need to massage out? 🙂

Plus, New Years Eve is a decidedly romantic holiday, which I usually spend cleaning and ‘visioneering the year ahead’ in some way. I think last year I decided not to do that anymore, yet, here I am. I don’t feel sad about it all actually, but obviously am more preoccupied than I think!

“Know thyself!”


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